When I started to awaken from the operation before I was even aware I was awake, I began crying.  As I became cognizant I was surprised by my emotional response, so I asked the doctor why I couldn't stop crying, especially because I was a person that very seldom cried for any reason.  He responded that 95% or more of the women and girls came out from an abortion in that manner.  I then asked him if it was a chemical reaction to the anesthesia.  He replied that it was not a physical response because the same anesthesia was used in many operations and that people do not have the same response when rejuvenating from other operations.  He said this was a unique response to abortion.  I was not a religious person and I had not been brought up going to church, or even discussing religion.  So, I knew right then and there on the recovery bed, that what I had done was wrong because my response had not been conscious - it had been sub-conscious in nature.  Additionally, the fact that so many other women had had that same response further made my realization concrete.

        Guilt chased me for many years after that, until the day that I was baptized and realized I had finally been forgiven and was able to forgive myself.  Two years later, I was studying at the Defense Language Institute (DLI) to become and Army Arabic Linguist when my father suddenly died from a heart attack/stroke/seizure combination.  I went through a great mourning period of which I didn't have the maturity nor the moral foundation on which to properly handle the situation.  Dad died in March of 1988.  For 3 months, I suffered internally without having the opportunity to discuss my sorrow with anyone.  When the pain became more than I could bear, and although I had not been sexually active in a long time, I sought comfort, at this time, through sex.  I spent the night with a man that I had been dating since I first arrived at DLI and with whom I had hopes of deepening our relationship.  When he agreed to spend the night with me, I took it as a sign that he wanted to move to the next level of commitment.  I got pregnant that night.  We did not spend another night together, so I knew the exact night I had gotten pregnant that July.  Chuck was always with a group of people, so I got up early one morning (before physical training, we called it PT) to catch him while he was in his room alone getting dressed to give him the news.  The first words that came out of his mouth was "get an abortion".  I was shocked at first, then became angry.  I knew this time without a doubt that I would never do that again, so I told him so.  Then it was his turn to become angry.  He told me that he had a military career ahead of him and that this would keep him from progressing as he wanted.  I told him I would have that baby without him then.

        It is with certainty and clarity that I tell you today that I have NEVER regretted keeping that child.  I have spoken and read many stories since that day about women that have had abortions and those that have chosen to keep their children for various reasons.  I have not come across a single woman who has NOT regretted, been ashamed of and has suffered from her choice to have an abortion AND I have NEVER come across a woman who HAS regretted keeping her child.  Quite the contrary, I have only found who women who have chosen to keep their child has only been blessed and uplifted by the choice not to murder one of God's creations.

        I would like to blame my fear of my mother (because I was deathly afraid of her), my lack of knowledge of Christ, my immaturity and youth on my wretched decision to murder my child, but I must take accountability of the fact that despite all of that, I knew deep down in my heart that it was wrong and I can not place blame on any set of situations for my action.  I and I alone made that choice.  I could have chosen to take responsibility for my actions and I could have been blessed, but instead I took the coward's way out.  However, I must say, that had I been more informed, had a relationship with Christ, had a stronger core foundation in my life, and if the abortion had been illegal, I am sure that I would have made the right choice.

        That is why I am sharing my story with all of you today.  I am hoping that by sharing my disgrace, I can rally you and others to take a stand for "the right" and maybe I can help other young women be more informed of the consequences and less equipped to make self-damaging choices (through the legal system's misguided laws) by changing the laws of the land through a Federal Constitutional Amendment which will protect all of God's innocent persons.

        Today I am a happily married woman (of 17 years) to Jaime De La Cruz with 2 children.  Breylin, (who I did not abort), who is a blessing to me, is attending the University of Arizona as a Sophomore, and Emilio who is about to be a junior in high school.